Julie Rosenfield

My journal

Archive for the category “HUMOUR”

How Many Camels?

I wonder if you’ve ever sat down and calculated your worth. Think for a second. I don’t mean bank accounts, property, savings bonds. Your true worth. Not how much you’d get if you sold your hair or the worth you bring to the world for all the good deeds that you do. No, your real worth. In camels.

I asked an ex-boyfriend once, a market trader, how many camels he would take for me if he were ever offered. He didn’t hesitate.

“A gross”
“A gross?”
“A gross of camels. 144.”
“So you would swop me for camels?”
“I could sell them on the market. Business is business.”

Now that is gross.

And then I asked my late mother:

“How many camels would you swap me for?”
“One. Only one? I’m only worth one camel?”
“I couldn’t look after more than one,” she concluded, regretfully.

So there we are, reader.  I am worth somewhere between one and 144 camels. All depending on who I ask, and the current rate of exchange. Bearing in mind that rates may fluctuate. Always check the terms and conditions.

All of which could quite clearly give you the hump.

Unless one day you meet someone who wouldn’t swop you for all the camels in the desert.

Then you really have to stop and think. Especially if you are sitting in a Moroccan-themed café and it isn’t even shisha night. Bong!

“Really? You wouldn’t swop me for any camels?”

Wait. Perhaps he just doesn’t like camels. Perhaps he prefers caramels. Or camel cigarettes. Or llamas.

“There aren’t enough camels in the world…..,” he says softly, gazing into your eyes.


And, of course, if that doesn’t set any a-llama bells ringing, then maybe someone has seen your true worth, after all.

And maybe, just maybe, you should take off with him into the desert.

Or to a dessert island. Now that would be sweet.

Or even a camel ride?

“Only if the camels want to,” he says, gently.

So kind.

Probably on a parallel universe right now, a camel is asking of her beau.

“How many humans am I worth?”

I did say parallel universe. I didn’t say sensible.

“There aren’t enough humans in the world….,” breathes her adoring companion.

“Not enough humans,”  she sighs, contentedly.

Which considering there are 7 billion people in the world, and only 14 million camels (90% being dromedary – one hump, in case you’re wondering) makes camels way more rarer than humans. And therefore perhaps more valuable.

Maybe they don’t even want to be swapped.

No wonder they have the hump.






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