TIFFIN (SHORT STORY)
A few years ago, The Writer Magazine* ran a 250 word short story competition with a twist: the story had to contain as many words as possible containing a double letter f – eg coffee. The winner would be the person who had the most words containing the letters ff whilst still sounding sufficiently literary. Despite having the most ff words, I didn’t win. Can’t think why! Still, here’s my entry. Have ffun! : )
“Coffee?” offered Taffy, “Muffins?”
Tiffany affirmed, diffidently.
“Such a kerfuffle, that buffet-car. Scruffy, indifferent staff. Riff-raff!”
“How’s Effie?” Tiffany asked, with effort.
“Difficult,” he proffered.
“Up the duff!”
Baffled, Tiffany sniffed her daffodils.
“Ran off with Cliff, that effeminate boffin with the quiff. They should affix that ruffian to the scaffold, afflict him with paraffin and stuff him in a coffin. ”
He puffed on his cigar. “How’s Jeff?”
“Iffy. Nearly snuffed it after sniffing snuff in Cuffley.”
At Effingham, they got off.
He ruffled her coiffeured hair affectionately.
“Back to my gaffe?” he offered. “Waffles?”
“Still stuffed from the buffet!” she effused.
“Decaffeinated coffee? Or a stiff drink?”
Seated on a raffia pouffe in Saffy’s Bar, they quaffed effervescent safflower wine until they were squiffy. Effortlessly, the affair began….
He won a raffle prize: a naff, fluffy giraffe with a buff-coloured ruff and cuffs. She was chuffed. Like puffins, they felt an affinity.
One day, he effectively caught her riffling through his stuff. Such effrontery. He was miffed.
Affronted, he cried stuffily: “You snaffled my muffler!”
“Piffle!” she guffawed offensively, affecting indifference.
Huffing and puffing, he doffed his cap, fastened his duffle coat and was off.
Later, he suffered afflictions. “I’m a duffer! Such a piffling matter.”
In a jiffy, he’d emptied his coffers. Although not affluent, he could afford toffees or…
“Truffles?” he offered, raffishly. “Want to be my wiffey? Honeymoon by the Liffey?”
“You’re daffy, Taffy,” she effervesced, eyes effulgent. And laughed.
(250 WORDS INCLUDING 108 “FF” WORDS!)
*The Writer Magazine – http://www.writermag.com