Julie Rosenfield

My journal

REGGIE THE VEGGIE (POEM)

There was once a charming chap by the quaint name of Reggie,

Who decided one day: “I think I’ll turn Veggie.

From now on no meat, no fowl or aught aquarian,

I’ve decided to become a fully-fledged vegetarian.”

* * *

It was tough trying to explain it all to his wife,

That Reg had decided just to change his life.

“There’ll be no more roast beef for me if you please,

I’ll just have the Yorkshire Pudding along with the peas.”

* * *

   His wife Jean was going quite barmy

She tried tempting him with the finest salami,

But Reg stood tall, he was firm and proud,

“No Jean, from now, on no more meat’s allowed.”

* * *

Jean took herself off to consult with her lawyer.

She sniffed: “My husband says he will only eat soya.

Now bacon sarnies have become such a no-no,

I’m wondering if it’s time that maybe he should go-go.”

* * *

Said the lawyer: “As you know, I’m here by your side,

And I’ll always support you whatever you decide.

But it’s probably fair to warn you,” he said, a little snide,

“You’ll get twenty years if you commit Reggie-cide.”

* * *

But Reg stood firm and strong in his convictions,

Despite many of Jean’s secret predictions.

In his sarnies, from now on there was never any ham,

He now only ate the finest raspberry jam.

* * *

There was trouble eating in, there were problems eating out.

“He won’t eat my roasts,” poor Jean was heard to shout,

“All those beef casseroles, he used to find so charming,

Now he only wants beans, all very alarming.”

* * *

Reg wouldn’t give in and neither would his Jean.

Reg was determined he would only eat green.

“No more animals are going in my tummy.”

“Just you wait, Reg, I’m going to tell your mummy.”

* * *

But Reg stood strong, despite an inward squirm,

It surely was time that the worm did turn,

“I’ll do it my way,” yelled Reg, shouting aloud his new truth.

“Either let me be veggie or I’ll jump off the roof.”

* * *

Now this brave action gathered rather a crowd.

They’d heard the commotion – it was terribly loud.

“I want to be a veggie,” defiantly cried Reg,

And then he missed his footing and landed head-first – splat – in a hedge.

* * *

“Oh, ok, I give in,” sighed poor, long-suffering Jean.

“Perhaps I have been just a little bit mean.

If veggie’s the way you really want to go,

Then tuck in all you want, and I won’t say no.”

* * *

And so Reggie began his grand veggie feast,

Lots of nuts, fruit and veg – even some from the East.

And no matter if he found himself in a hurry,

There was always time to rustle up a quick, veggie curry.

* * *

With chilli on the menu and roasted veg too,

Reggie felt his life now begin anew.

Supermarket shopping was no longer a chore.

Now he could eat what he wanted, he just wanted more.

* * *

A few months later, it would be Christmas it was true,

And this was when Jean really wondered what to do.

“He won’t eat turkey,” she told her sister with scorn.

“Looks like our festive meal will be rather forlorn.”

* * *

“Never mind,” said her sister, jumping with glee,

“I’ve seen something on a website,” she chuckled merrily.

“There’s a special place you can go where you can both be together,

They do delicious vegan meals and long walks among the heather.”

* * *

It’s a place in Somerset, they call it Croydon Hall,

And the food there’s so good, they can cater for all.

You won’t miss turkey with chef Nigel’s awesome fare,

You’ll be dining far better than you would anywhere.

* * *

And so it was decided, they would seek out adventures,

So they packed up their bags to head for Vegiventures.*

They cancelled the milk and boarded the cat,

They were off to enjoy themselves, that simply was that.

* * *

They arrived at Rodhuish in no time at all,

They met so many kind people, not scary at all.

And before they knew it, it was time to dine,

“You’re guaranteed a treat here, the food is sublime.”

* * *

And thanks to the workers and helpers a-plenty,

A feast was laid out there for twice times twenty,

Tasty dips, soups, a crudite or two,

Succulent seitan slices, tasty through and through.

* * *

And, as if that wasn’t enough, there were festive desserts galore,

Brandy Xmas puddings, all the trimmings and much more,

The wine was flowing, everything looked good,

Until Jean suddenly said, “Hang on, why hasn’t Reggie eaten his pud?”

* * *

She’d been so busy talking to the new friends she’d just made,

Saying how tasty the food was, how long she could have stayed,

Telling of Reggie and his dietary conversion

And how he’d sprang on her his recent meat aversion.

* * *

“But do you know I’m beginning to come round,

It’s not really so hard, if you just shop around,

And it does make more sense, from a practical point of view,

If you care about your health and the animals too.”

* * *

So imagine her surprise seeing Reg’s dishes all untouched,

Not a bite eaten, it was really too much.

“Don’t say you’re missing your turkey,” she hissed, “This holiday’s not cheapish.”

But Reg just sat there looking quite sheepish.

* * *

“Is everything ok?” queried Nigel with alarm.

“I hope my dishes haven’t caused you too much harm,

They’re all prepared with much love and heaps of devotion,

You can even go wheat-free if you have such a notion.”

* * *

“It’s not the food,” said Reg, with a sigh of contrition.

“It’s just that I’m in an embarrassing position,

I’ve booked a trip here to stay at Vegiventures,

And, in all the rush, I’ve forgotten my dentures.”

* * *

Taking sympathy then on poor old Reg,

Nigel swiftly liquidised some fresh seasonal veg.

He added some holly for charming decoration,

A caring thought which brought just a little consolation.

* * *

So here, at last, is the moral of this tale,

If you want to eat well at Xmas and never, ever fail,

Always book up early in time for Vegiventures,

And if you do come across them, please post on Reggie’s dentures.

* * *

*Vegiventures: Vegetarian and Vegan Holidays run by chef Nigel Walker www.vegiventures.com

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